Friday

I love Friday nights. After a long week at work I get to go home a relax. I sit quietly and just stop thinking. My week is filled with people, if I could every weekend I would go off with my husband to a quiet beach and doing nothing for two days.

I work for CPS. Many people hate us, but what we do is vital for children. Everyday these small people are getting their lives back. They struggle with feeling at fault, being victims of the their parents, being victims of the system. They are damaged by life at such a young age. Let down by the adults who were suppose to love them.

It is unsettling to think that adults can hurt children so badly.

November

November is always unsettling. The holidays approach, the time changes and it is dark, and the remembering of family gone makes it somewhat unsettling. I have lived alone for over a year now and I do not like it. No husband, for the foreseeable future, and no children to care for, the fabric that was my life is not now there and I need to fill it with something. Work helps and helping children now has different meaning for me. I see those faces and all they want is love and I want to open my home to them all and just love them.

My oldest just turned 31 and my oldest grandchild will be 12 soon. in a few years I will be fifty. Wow life has moved fast, a blink of the eye and the years have past. I feel melancholy about the passage of time. Not getting older, but having so much to do in what seems like so little time.

I hope those who I love really know it and I hope those who I have hurt will forgive. At forty-six I can see the dumb shit I use to believe and do, the rigidity of it all, the selfishness.

The next 50 will be lived in life of service. When I leave this plane I want to have left love behind.

March 8th

Hi Honey, I finally finished the hall. It looks pretty good. Now I am fooling around on the internet, playing all my face book games and most likely Diablo next. That is what I do with free time.

Just a small follow up to our conversation earlier, I know you are joking when you say stuff about finding a dentist or ortho guy, but this bothers me too. I love you and don't want any one else. I can't wait to see you and I think of you every day. Your picture is next to my bed for a reason. I want you here and I want us to be 80 years old in our condo in California, bitching about Republicans. You are the man for me! No one could ever take your place.

Anyway, I love you very much.

Your wife forever, V

P.S. I will start blogging more

Do you ever wonder where you simply f**ked up?

I have a dilemma. My daughter and I are way off track. She is mad at me all the time, no matter what I say or how I say it. She is now not allowing me to see her beautiful baby girl, who I love so much. Boundaries have to be drawn or I just enable behaviors that are not healthy. So, better to draw the boundaries or just play the game to see the baby?

Man life is hard sometimes.....

January 2009

Another year has gone by and here we are looking at 2009. What is in store for a Country in the state we are in or the world as a hole. My hopes are placed in the Obama administration and what they can change. Once the Bush regime is gone can we save us or are we at the end, much like the Roman empire.

On the other have I have a beautiful family and a wonderful husband.

So, I choose to be hopeful and to think the best will happen. That the American dream will continue.

More Colorado

Colorado

I am on the road!

So now that I feel human a few notes from the road....

Minnesota- nice rest areas, Southern MN looks like Iowa, it seem to take a long time to get out of MN, the sign leaving the State says Thanks for Visiting Minnesota and I thought this has been a long visit.

Iowa- even nicer rest areas and they all have wifi for the traveler who is addicted to their internet porn, Tons of Windmill farms very cool, Des Moines was small and the only landmark it the capitol which I didn't really remember. Iowa seemed like a long ride too.

Nebraska- Omaha is huge now, too bad it is ugly urban sprawl, You certainly see the penis on the prairie when you come up on Lincoln, I was tempted to stop and see the new Husker stadium but didn't, They have had by far the friendliest people ate the different places I stopped, In North Platte I saw some good old boy farmers, Kearney bridge looks better now that it has aged, I drove past Burle without stopping.I really enjoyed Nebraska Cows, Donkeys, Horses

Colorado- Beautiful, miles and miles of wildflowers they were stunning, The mountains are beautiful!, the drivers around Denver were jerks! the only bad driving I have seen, I am at 8751 elevation and I am light headed...nothing new there.I have really enjoyed CO!